Double-blade on the Microphone

By Aljon Troy Requizo



Once there was a gay who never knew where he had been until he traveled back to his childhood, visited every event in his life, discovered things, and knew what influenced him to become such.

I think it started when I was still young when I was four years old where I lived in a small nipa hut together with my family. During the day, I had no playmates except my baby younger sister and all I had were my toys and my mother who was always busy washing clothes. My father was busy working as fruit vendor and my older brother was studying in the nearby school. It was my mother whom I got the traits of being feminine because she was the only one whom I could get along when I was young. Maybe, it first influenced me to become a bisexual.

I am a talented person. Although, I am not the best of it at least I have the skills. It was the school who influenced me to enhance my talents in stage performances. When I was in elementary, I was exposed to stage performances - singing, dancing, reciting poems and declamation, and acting. I loved to be on stage, I loved to perform, and I loved to impersonate others, unconsciously, impersonating the real me.

My bisexuality became worse when I was in the fourth grade, about 8 years ago, my teacher told me to join a “doble-karaoke” contest, to sing a love duet where half of the body is male and the other half is female. It was when the contest is really famous in the afternoon show of ABS-CBN. I did not have a second thought and confirmed that I will be joining the said contest because competition that time was really obvious in the classroom. My winning piece was “Please be Careful With my Heart” by Regine Velasquez and Jose Marie Chan. My mother chose it because it is our only available cassette tape that time. My grandmother made my costume; it was a pink glossy gown with shiny beads on it, and a yellow checkered long sleeves and pants. I really love to wear the gown rather than the checkered long sleeves. I had been rehearsing for one week, even if I was not in the tune. My aunt helped me in rehearsing the piece, from swaying my hips, to changing voices from low to high and high to low.

Finally, the competition came. There were seven other contestants and all of them did a wonderful job. When my turn came, I stood up from my seat confidently as if nobody was watching me. As I sang the female part, I swayed my hips from side to side freely like a real woman does – and I loved it. I heard the crowd cheering me that it gave me more energy to sway my hips more and more. And I know they liked it. I was more comfortable singing the female part than singing the male part. I could say that my performance was really natural. Luckily, I won the contest and was very happy. I was happy seeing my parents clapped their hands and proud of me. They were again proud of me for my victory. Then I thought that it would be alright to act like doble-karaokeing. I gained the confidence to show them the real me – doble-karaokeing in reality.

After that contest, I felt something really awkward, I was starting to get attracted with boys, and I'm starting to act like one of the girls. I just ignored that feeling and thought of what my mother had said “Don’t be sissy, because I don’t want to have a gay son!”, I was starting to be scared and changed myself what they want me to be. I forced myself to act like what people expected me to act as a human being with a penis. But, I couldn’t help it. Whenever I saw cute boys playing, I felt an intense euphoria. During the day, I wanted to see them, while at night, I was thinking of them.

I am just like singing doble-karaoke, where half of my body is male and the other half is female. People would say that I am a double-blade sword but I don’t care. You may judge me through my inconsistency but you don’t know how sharp my blades are. And now, I am ready to show to the society of what I really am, like singing the “doble-karaoke” with confidence to face the crowd. I am ready to accept what they would say. Even the cheers will turn to prejudice. Even the pride will turn to shame. What matters is, I have found myself in the wilderness and been enlightened by the divine light that choice is the greatest thing a human being ever had.